so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
