I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
