I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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