I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
