"it" just moved
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
