My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
only if we run a train.
done.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
