yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
