My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
