I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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