Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
