as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize