Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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