oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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