He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
