If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
