Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
