check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
