A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
