Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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