"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
