youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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