i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
