she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
