Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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