I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
