Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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