Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I want to have your abortion
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
