I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
