I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize