She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize