I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
