So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
