but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
