is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Michael Bay diarrhea
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
