I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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