i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
