i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So many bounce houses so little time
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your penis caused this!
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