Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This baby is an asshole
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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