I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
