4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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