I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
