if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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