i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
