why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
