Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
