that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
