I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I did not marry a roomba.
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