my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
