I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
