fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
