Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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