you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's blow job season.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
