Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
