and next time when you feel me up, do it right
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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