Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
