I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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