oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.