lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?