We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more