Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  We're facebook friends in real life

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  (561): We're facebook friends in real life http://tfl.nu/e7wr
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (1088)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

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  (803): I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15 http://tfl.nu/mt2n
  Replies (33) Good night (7688) Bad night (825)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

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  (856): part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty. http://tfl.nu/jt5n
  Replies (7) Good night (6214) Bad night (1431)
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  (408): View more from California

  New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.

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  (408): New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority. http://tfl.nu/3oej
  Replies (18) Good night (5247) Bad night (1440)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

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  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (20) Good night (5817) Bad night (1836)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.

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  (314): He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real. http://tfl.nu/dekt
  Replies (3) Good night (1631) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?

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  (414): could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor? http://tfl.nu/bpu5
  Replies (9) Good night (1551) Bad night (1033)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.

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  (269): P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema. http://tfl.nu/a51s
  Replies (8) Good night (789) Bad night (1481)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?

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  (209): I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry? http://tfl.nu/5luf
  Replies (15) Good night (665) Bad night (1564)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang

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  (610): Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang http://tfl.nu/jrxr
  Replies (2) Good night (1123) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.

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  (540): He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever. http://tfl.nu/fmlb
  Replies (3) Good night (1410) Bad night (422)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.

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  (402): i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding. http://tfl.nu/exiv
  Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.

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  (850): I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons. http://tfl.nu/n48b
  Replies (6) Good night (1315) Bad night (389)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman

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  (630): I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman http://tfl.nu/cwps
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.

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  (757): I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me. http://tfl.nu/xol6
  Replies (3) Good night (351) Bad night (419)

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