Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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  (775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again. http://tfl.nu/wdl0
  Replies (10) Good night (1850) Bad night (601)
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  (714): View more from California

  i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.

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  (714): i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing. http://tfl.nu/3dga
  Replies (12) Good night (649) Bad night (3612)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.

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  (314): Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though. http://tfl.nu/zzah
  Replies (18) Good night (6351) Bad night (658)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.

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  (419): His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him. http://tfl.nu/wimg
  Replies (60) Good night (1160) Bad night (3370)
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  (714): View more from California

  We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now

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  (714): We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now http://tfl.nu/h0c8
  Replies (9) Good night (3388) Bad night (889)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

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  (817): i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side http://tfl.nu/uejy
  Replies (54) Good night (10084) Bad night (1713)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.

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  (207): Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen. http://tfl.nu/y9fq
  Replies (30) Good night (6110) Bad night (1721)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms

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  (860): oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms http://tfl.nu/jzy1
  Replies (2) Good night (2223) Bad night (933)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?

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  (614): Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right? http://tfl.nu/mfqu
  Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (3196)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?

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  (540): is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious? http://tfl.nu/lq7k
  Replies (7) Good night (5280) Bad night (1121)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  She swung at the pinata with crutches

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  (440): She swung at the pinata with crutches http://tfl.nu/dkgf
  Replies (4) Good night (1851) Bad night (1327)
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  (530): View more from California

  I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big

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  (530): I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big http://tfl.nu/j8o0
  Replies (8) Good night (1387) Bad night (493)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  How's dating the med student working out for you?

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  A true anatomy project.

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  (414): How's dating the med student working out for you? (715): After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was. (414): A true anatomy project. http://tfl.nu/in9w
  Replies (2) Good night (1105) Bad night (354)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.

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  (320): I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice. http://tfl.nu/yhhi
  Replies (6) Good night (1349) Bad night (389)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.

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  (570): i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0. http://tfl.nu/r5hx
  Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (687)

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