No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.