hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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