i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
