I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
