the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
