i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
