its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
