Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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