I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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